Secret Formula

Ave Maria:-)

On the silver mode...bear with me... Marriage is monumental, humongous, organic, epiccccc...hahaha, puro lame, inappropriate adjectives at least I tried well Tagalog says it best: " Marriage is : IBANG KLASE." 

While we're married ..especially in the early years..we tend to look and observe other couples..other families.. ok so maybe it's only me who does this?? then we wonder... are they truly happy or what? Some look postcard-perfect-pretty walang-aray and this kills us...how can they be so fortunate... or another gut reaction :"Where did we go wrong...?"

 Ok try this ----> "It isn't fair...!" My, my..my..dangerous terrain 'yan..before you know it..you're sulking and then angry and then resentful with an ax to grind at anyone who dares to cross your path.

As we continue with this observation ..we slowly discover : " Hey , it's different strokes for different folks pala."

there's no set formula for a happy marriage because  for starters you have two completely unique individuals who decide to live together hopefully for the rest of their life. And don't say they're in Love.... everybody knows this Love has to be expressed concretely ...put in action on a daily basis, hour-by- hour..moment by moment  . 

We see couples where the Man rules... Da King Fernando Poe style... don't mess around with him..what he says... is the Rule.

likewise ..and I wonder if these are the majority it's the Hot Momma who calls the shots.

 In old China... twas a very matriarchial society... sure there'd be Emperors.. but the Wives or Mothers would be the powers behind the throne... and even in their family units... It's the Grand Lola who holds the clan together.

A bit late in the ballgame..I heard a wonderful teaching of how in the Christian setting..it should be the father who directs the family, be the true head...following of course the guidance and teachings of Christ. That lay teacher  said that more graces would flow when the father is given the due respect..and that a perversion could occur..a disruption of sorts could affect the family if "Momma wants to wear the pants".

Sadly..here in our country..especially when our economy took severe beating and our women had to go out and work both here and abroad..this affected marriages and families. Without anyone saying a word... the one who brings home the bacon becomes the Boss. Sad and with dire consequences later on for the family.

Momma starts to push her weight around... Dad becomes a forgotten member ... children will respect or obey the one who can pay for their luxuries... sometimes..with women out carving a career for themselves... the silent but golden rules of divine marital union slips away... is no longer applicable or relevant.

It's not bad for women to work , it is what becomes of us in whatever choices we make... as it's not bad for men to be house-husbands but there is still the essential give-and take never to be forgotten between husband and wife - 

On our 25th year ...it's still an internal wrestling for Dil and me (self-will wrestles with God's Will , the latter bringing healthier , more peaceful consequences)... The  obedience to God's Word in Ephesians for wives "to submit to their husbands" ( I can hear violent female reactions hahaha...and for men to love their wife as Christ loves his church 

(With men yelling :" Impossible!" .That's a fair deal.. one that eventually leads to a family's salvation and true happiness.

Yes we've heard of tales where once man is the breadwinner.. wife simply takes care of kids and home... later on a change of fortune and roles... both man and wife were not prepared spiritually and emotionally to handle it... the marriage suffers .... in one true case... annulment was filed.. but the couple decided to pray a nine day novena with this rather cute intention : that they would part civilly..that it wouldn't be an ugly parting... guess what happened ..they reconciled... inspite of all the water under the bridge..dark, vile waters... yet God saved them. 

The man remained house husband, the wife still the breadwinner.. and their family growing on to the nth baby ... it's still the same sensitive situation , perhaps even more difficult challenges..but their hearts and minds have been renewed by God's love and forgiveness -- they have learned to include Jesus in all aspects of their life.they get their regular dose of spiritual feeding , prayers, God's Word..with a supportive Christian community.   It's beautiful. There are many, many couples far richer than them materially ..but what they have is a treasure that is priceless...costlier than gold.Real gold escapes worldly measures. 

If you tell me that it takes two to tango.. or that both parties should work at it... give it their best shot... of course my dear that would be the ideal set-up.. but we know that in life..whether it be marriage.. rearing a family..running a business... serving in church... that we can't force people to give their 'expected' share in the endeavor. It's either they are willing..they are prepared and up to it.. or completely oblivious ..or even donot know you exist... they are downright difficult, boorish..unbearable. If this be the case what do we do?

If we choose to follow and obey Christ, we know what He would do if put in our place. He was a great formator with the apostles, gently steering them to a new way of life..a nobler lifestyle. The apostles were not always cooperative.. there must have been a lot of conflicts too..they did not change overnight... but Jesus would fill in whatever they were unable to give..He would patiently teach and explain when they didnot know how to handle circumstances...In the end... He died on the cross because it was the most poignant statement of God's love for us.Seeing Jesus on that cross made them understand the true power of love and sacrifice.

  

  Well yes that makes things difficult for us.. becoz now we have to imitate Him ..and we wonder if He knows we don't relish the idea... this laying of life that others may live. Suddenly, we can't understand plain English hahaha.  

In fact Jesus knows our every pain and suffering and just waits for us to lean on Him..to trust Him..to pray and offer everything to Him..asking Him for help..for every grace we will need to faithfully live our part well.

We'd have no problem if we kept Jesus out of the equation but if we made the mistake.. a wonderful mistake of loving and believing in Him..then we must follow Him..and follow all the way... up the mountain where the cross be.

And therein lies our salvation and happiness.

You think I am talking Greek yet if you looked at your life ever closely..you'd see the the countless times you have died to yourself that others might live.As a wife, mother, husband, son, lolo, lola, priest, nun... teacher, doctor, clerk..call center agent... this has happened oh so many times...and may the love we give by God's grace multiply that many make a safe return to their heavenly Father.  

Jesus has been forming us ..molding us for the longest time. Let each day be a celebration of His love transforming us unto his image and likeness.

To God be the glory!..May Jesus , Mary and Joseph,the Holy Family bless all families in the world.......................................  te mye  

25 and Counting :-)

Ave Maria:-)

Silver thoughts, silver emotions go hand in hand with a silver anniversary...God knows why there is a motif for every given year, a silver, a golden jubilee..a ruby celebration...a diamond bash... oh my today marks 25 yrs exactamente since Puno and I exchanged "I do's" in front of a beloved uncle who officiated during sacramental marriage.1987 imagine that.. in fact am not too sure about the year...kidding

This uncle was our late Archbishop Mariano Gaviola... he who belonged to a big clan..12 not so little injuns..and he was the only one who remained single and chose a priestly vocation. Twas a running joke.. forever theme of cousins then teen-agers or young adults... gingerly trying and experiencing the romantic route of typical boy-girl relationship --whenever the relationship turned rather serious we'd tease  :" Aha... Ikaw na ang sunod nga ikasal ni Monsignour!"

And indeed many of recieved his blessing.. it is wonderful enough to be married by any good priest especially one who knows the couple getting married... but to be joined together as husband and wife by a blood relative who dearly loves us and more important and crucial dearly loves the LORD , this is a divine gift.

Of course we never understood that then...the majority of us being young, foolish, headstrong..jumping with open eyes into the rivers of matrimony..and any thoughts or reflection of how we'd do our part would follow hehehe... a good many years after.By then we would have suffered blows to the head, the spirit the brain and heart..any zone that pain can reach. 

Did we silently think.. did we nurture that secret hope that if dear Mons would marry us..that he had some sort of special blessing..that his connection with the Lord would earn the graces we would need? Alas..we soon found out... that Mons' role would be first to counsel us (granting we cared to listen) ..then to offer the holy mass for us-- sometimes give financial help ... give the sacrament of marriage..and then offer tons and tons of prayers and sacrifices for all nephews , nieces, friends and strangers whom he had helped enter the vocation of marriage... I'm sure till his last breath he prayed hard for all of us. Oh how we benefitted from this spiritual concern..and from other family elders...friends who pray for couples in distress. when people sincerely care and pray..heaven listens...God acts and intervenes lovingly.

I had attended many weddings.. you could say we were a marrying bunch It was always a joyful family event..sharing someone's new-found happiness. When our turn came... even if I was not young...in fact 29 yrs. is considered a hag by other cultures hahaha.... yet was giggly with happiness...so was my groom. Let's see was that giggling form true joy or nervousness... but we were really happy that day. Both our parents were still alive... my father walked me to the altar, a short walk, we were married in a tiny but pretty chapel... I saw Mama shedding tears..but I was too happy to cry with her...and then I saw my father also red as a beet... oh dear ..iiyak din.. I resolved to Be Happy

Finally the blockbuster of the mass was our uncle's homily.I've told this story before so those who know can skip this part.... He went full -blast on this theme about marriage being like mounting Calvary..like husband and wife going up making that difficult climb... but to be rewarded by the sight and presence of our Crucified Lord.... I'm like..."Geez..Mons you could have chosen a less serious homily....Crucifixion... Calvary..??Jesus uniting us in marriage... ano ito? Hello....did not understand one phrase of what he was driving at.

But today is our SILVER And yes dear brothers and sisters... Dilbert and I climbed our mountain..we also fell off the mountain many, many times... oh how we found the mountain hazardous, difficult terrain to conquer... oh how we wished there were cool, shady stops along the way, for us to regain our strength, to drink of waters that would refresh our weary spirits.... how we wondered if other people had their mountains to climb..and did they also fall as hard as we did? During this marital journey..to say we learned a lot is the understatement of all time. At first we did not want to learn..both of us strong-willed with inherent weaknesses only our Lord could be patient with...

 Have you had the feeling that sometimes you find it hard to forgive yourself ..or bear your weaknesses... Yet Jesus our Saviour is there for us... no wonder Mons kept saying, Jesus is the Third Party and He too signs the contract.. with His Blood and Spirit. So for all our lack, our misgivings..all the terrible , unforgettable, unprintable, un name-mable mistakes we make whether  as husband or wife...parent/child... peer-to-peer...neighbor-to-neighbor..it is Christ Jesus who fills in our blanks and makes the relationship work, praise the Lord.

My most silvery thought and emotion is one of gratitude and awe... at God's marvelous patience, guidance, provisions,forgiving, healing, nurturing..strengthening... every single need we have..we had and will have God knows this and will help us in His perfect way. 

When a marriage..a friendship.. a family ..a community becomes a venue for one to know the ways of Christ , to imitate him and grow to be like Him..then it is relevant..it is of great and lasting value.

But when all the above only serve to grow worldly natures in us... and help us breed monstrosities... its bitter fruits: hate, unforgiveness, a culture of death and abuse....      then God is nowhere in it..and if God is not there, of what value , of what relevance could it hold and give to a bleeding world.?

I thank the Lord for the gift of family, friends, community.. my sister, brother, stepmom,in-laws..dear cousins/relatives are far away..yet the mere thought of their love and support , their prayers lifts us up.... and where biological loved ones are geographically unreachable, there will always be the Christian community, the Living Word community, Mt. Carmel brothers and sisters... priests and nuns... even people who donot know us but are an inspiration to us...God shows His Face thru His children and that is enough.

In one way or another... your good deeds..kind thoughts and prayers have helped us reach our 25th Dil and I still have many lessons to learn but we'll get There, in God's Perfect Time. 

We must not complain but trust the Lord... we each have a path to walk, let it lead all the way to the Giver of Life, to God ALmighty. God wants us to grow in holiness where we are.. may our experiences increase in us knowledge of Christ, arouse that courageous faith and love to share with others. ............................................God bless you .........te mye    

Promised Land

Ave Maria:-)

Howdy folks... summer musings here we come... Whether we like it or not..welcome or detest it... accept joyfully or resist even rebel at the thought of it ... Our life goes on , won't lose a single beat..from the moment we are concieved in our mother's womb, until we breathe our last breath and surrender our soul back to the Almighty... It's rhythm over which we have no control...

For what has been written by God will unfold in our life, one by one... joys and sorrows... learning and unlearning (ouch the latter hurts more) , there will be our 

Eureka moments :" I did it! I won !Yahooo! ".... to  marked miserable phases..  life is after all a divine gift -- it is given in its totality.. beauty and ugliness of it all... comprehensible and incomprehensible details... Put candidly we have like a---
 Part I :our earthly sojourn ..and a Part 2 : our eternal life spent either with God or forever alienated from Him.

Ever wondered if we could have it some other way.... to ask God to allow us to do a Take 2 -- like they do in the movies?  haha, you wish!!  

But we can't ask God to "Lord... please...can you just extract and allow me to live the phases of my life that were enjoyable ..a  pure delight !Constructive and fulfilling..and that brought out the best in me and in others ? And  to please oh God..do away with pain in all its horrid forms or at the least anaesthetize me so it doesn't hurt too much.... would you allow that Lord, please pretty please?"

Pero di talaga puede.

No way that can happen, sweepeas.

 No , God in His wisdom gives us the Whole Living Experience.

And to make sure there's no duplication..we each have our Unique life to live... our own identity, set of variables and experiences,settings and opportunities... strengths, weaknesses and manifold gifts... material treasure or the lack of treasure, hehe... success or a permanent ignominy -- yes personal dishonor.. terrible  isn't it?  

What to do then upon realizing there's no stopping life..? It's either we face it prepared or watch our life wasted away.. and then we suffer bitter regrets. 

How helpful then to take a closer look at heroes and heroines in the greatest book ever written..the holy Bible Our son was named Joshua Emmanuel...Dilbert chose the Joshua..and I liked the Emmanuel ...I knew then that Emmanuel meant "God with us" ... it couldn't have been more appropriate because the gift of child always signals God's loving Presence...But the Joshua name... back then we both weren't so familiar about the character in the old Testament bearing this name.

The shortest way to introduce Joshua is to simply say..that he took over Moses' grand role to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. He was a man of faith..believed with all his heart that they could overcome the giants living in the Promised Land, was not afraid and trusted that God would see them thru... while the other leaders wavered in their courage and mission to claim the Promised Land ...Josh chose to believe in God's Love and promises for them  . This marvelous faith and loyalty was rewarded. 


 The Lord equipped Joshua to be a good leader... under his leadership, the Israelites conquered the Promised Land and started a new life there. 

 Josh gave good guidance till 110 yrs. old..Phew, long life was the trend back then

Unfortunately .. the Israelites had habitual flirtations with other religions..amazing how it's so easy to forget God's goodness, this afflicts our spirit up to the present. Like the Israelites we will tango with false gods...and even with the devil.

Why bother with these famous last words.. what's in it for me? what's in it for you?

Dil and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary... a Silver Year indeed...there is no grand celebration.. no magnificent party.. but there is a Magnificent God who has patiently steered us, our little family through the years.Yes Dilbert and I were also asked to enter our Promised Land... marriage is like a Promised Land.. it is filled with lots of joyful possibilities but we also don't know what to expect... Marriage is the land where giants could live and frighten you out of your senses until you say.... there is no victory here... I can't handle "giants", I can't cope with all these challenges.. I 'd rather go back to Egypt or any place but this Promised Land. I'd rather continue walking the desert for another 40 years rather than settle.... take note... .rather than SETTLE in the Promised Land...rather than settle in my vocation...rather than adjust to the surroundings and habitat.

We each have our Promised Land to conquer....We each have a vocation to fulfill...we each have a destiny.. a certain path we must walk till the very end. Even if giants and dragons , we must enter it bravely knowing the God of Glory is with us.

So as I pray for another 25 yrs of togetherness...I imagine myself and Dilbert enrolled in Marriage 101... with a Masteral Class in  How to Imitate Jesus... arrrghhh.... this course really purifies us, hehe.... I will find inspiration in Joshua... a biblical character we must never forget.

 Here's the highlight of Joshua's leadership ...famous last words before He died and something we can borrow and apply in our own journey.

¹⁴ “Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soulthat not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed…” (Joshua 23:14, NIV)

¹⁴ “Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. ¹⁵ But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD…” (Joshua 24:14-15, NIV)

²⁹ After these things, Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died at the age of a hundred and ten. ³⁰And they buried him in the land of his inheritance, at Timnath Serah in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash. (Joshua 24:29-30, NIV)

Joshua’s faith never wavered.

False gods have harmed us , fooled us, tempted us through the years but God hears the tiniest prayer we make: even if it is just : "God ,help me!"  God looks into our heart to see if we chose to serve Him and make Him a part of our life, a part of our marriage... our family.. our work..our thought process..our health... since God gave us all... it would be so strange to wave to Him the "Off-Limits " sign, right?

We celebrate then the love and wisdom..the truth and forgiveness of Christ Jesus... He made it work... this is one battle where the Lord gave the most valuable contribution...He was, is and will be our sole ammunition, a Holy One.  Praise you Sweetest Jesus..bless us all as we journey and conquer our Promised Land.Forgive our wrongdoings and heal our heart so we may do things Your way.

Please offer an Our Father and Hail Mary for us as we do the same for you...God bless you all...........................................................................lovelots.......te mye